Life's short. live it how you want to. hang around people who you care for and that care for you. live you life to the fullest. don't feel like you have to say sorry to anyone.  dont regret anything cause you wanted it at one time. dont spend you time argueing with people. don't spend all your energy yelling and hating people. dont stress over guys. Live your life how you want to.

why do i like 2 guys seriously. i always seem to like 2 guys and oh wait it gets better they both have girl friends. i need to teach myself to like guys that dont have girlfriends and i have a chance with them. but then i again one of these 2 guys i have liked off and on since 7th fucking grade, and im now a senior. and this guy makes me melt so easily, its almost pathitic. no joke. for example he works at cub and i had to go shopping for my mom cause she couldn't walk. so when i was checking out i saw him and he waved and smiled at me i felt myself melting and i couldn't stop smiling the whole rest of the day. i just dont know. and the nthe other guy is adorable and i think the only reason i like him is for his looks and music taste which is bad but i dont know i feel like i cant honestly say that i dont like him and feel like im not lying. and they could totally be reading this and i wouldn't care, well thats a lie i would care.



this was a stupid post but it made me feel ten times better
:]

Guys can go die in a hole. they are as confusing as heck.
i have no idea who i like anymore seriously. i think i like frankie and i think i like alex. i wish a sign would tell me what my feelings are. i mean i care about alex and i think i always will i miss him which is sad cause i never talk to him or anything. and then there is frankie he is adorable and he is really nice andhehasaniceass :]. a;dkfasdasa'd they both have girlfriends may i add :(
so alex will always be alex and frankie will always be cute and adorable. IM SO CONFUSED.



my life is so hard lol.

okay so hallie one of my favorite MN people ever
not to mention one of the MN boardies might/probably be moving back to Nebraska at the end of the school year. i only see her at shows and then last month at MOA but im going to miss her living so close to me. Im just really happy that i did get to meet her and that i will be seeing her at least 3 more times before she leaves if it does happen. im hoping i will get to see her more.


im just really sad right now
D:

I dont even really know what to talk about i just feel like i have to post cause i haven't posted in about 3 weeks.
Okay so my mom is like obsessed with pictures i have taken its weird. she sits there and is like "show your dad", i wonder if bethany has seen these. GAH CRAZY WOMEN . lol
so i think i feel in love with valencia they are amazing btw pick up there new CD if you haven't you wont be disappointed.
i guess i can tell you how excited i am to see my favorite boys in 10 days. SING IT LOUD i get to see them in ten days at there CD release and i already know the CD is amazing but im excited for the preformence and being pretty much the only one singing along with the new songs :] hahah what i dont get is why they are preforming in one spot and doing the signing in another place i mean come on do it in one spot. Im going to be so cool and be there super early and be in the front so i can get the best pictures ever. im excited! i wish i had a better camera though my camera is bad for taking pictures of people at shows oh well

well i have nothing else to say



peace out live journal

today was better which is shocking. i had to go to the fall kick off thing for football and see people from my school i can just say i wasn't the most excited about the whole thing, but i dont know it was okay not many people were there.
So for people who dont know i like to dance outside at like end of my street cause i dont like having my mom watch me hahahhha creepish. so i was dancing today and it was fun, my back hurts really bad though from what ever the hell i have, it needs to die, hopefully it will stop hurting soon.  today i dont seem to be in a horriable mood it helped to talk to abby, i need people to bring things like whats been gonig on with me more often but i cant always exepct others to do it all the time.
AHHHHH im seeing my favorite boys every in 32 days SO FUCKING EXCITED :] i cant wait. im really bored and i cant seem to think of anything to say but the second i post this then i will think of something, thats how it seems to work.
i am determined to make this post at least somewhat happy or at least not sad and depressing to read.
yuck omg theres a beehive right outside my house its tiny but there are always like 6 bees on it. me no like bees.
you know whats weird every since i official decided to stop posting on the boards and to stop looking in any thread other then the graphic and picture thread i have felt a weight lefted off my shoulders. the boards always lefted things off my shoulders not anymore i guess. :]

"im now accepting all apologies"
i love take cover they are amazing and i am obsessed with there music. if you dont know who they are go to http://www.myspace.com/takecoverofficial  you will fall in love i promise  :]
k im done for tonight
peace

"Drop the girl, she's not worth the time"

i remember when i use to start all these journals with a lyric or something write something and then put in another quote and then write some more and then end with a quote, that wasn't that long ago. i hate how i have gone back and forth with who i am, i honestly dont know who i am maybe that why i keep going back and forth, im trying to figure myself out. its just one big confusing mess, my life seems to be one big confusing mess. im happy when im outside but when im inside or at home im not happy cause i know im alone and not with other people. i need to get out more. its not as fun being outside by yourself. i remember one day i was walking like i do most days and some kid from school went by during a drivers thing, within the next couple days he came up to me and said "i saw you walking the other day" and then i asked which day and he said "the one day you were walking, do you walk by yourself all the tim?" i remember answering that question with a lie, " no i just dont remember what day."
another thing i remember is the last day that tommy came to do something to my house. it was winter and i slept through it but my dad told me about it the next day. He came home from work closed the garage door and let the cat in the garage, then he looked out the front window and a white car pulled up, a car, that when he explained it reminded me of tommys friends taylor's car. a kid got out of the car and bent down picked something up and threw it at my house. my dad saw this as he watch from the window he still had his coat on and his car was in the drive way. he unlocked the front door and went sprinting to his car. the kids took off so fast the one kid barely got in his car. my dad followed them down the street through the light and past the school he had lost them as they turned the corner to what im guessing was another one of there friends streets. that was last winter and i still remember everything my dad told me about it and they haven't come back since.
i also remember the day stephanie yelled at me, i dont remember it as clearly as the tommy thing but i remember some of it. stephanie sat right next to me then and i would zone out and looking in her direction, not looking at her just in  the direction, and she would always freak out on me one day i guess it took her to far she blew up at me once and continued to yell that i need to stop and not get on her bad side cause her and her friends could beat me up and that would be a problem for me and that i would have no one to back me up cause i had no friends. then me being me asked the person behind me that im friends with if they were my friend they said yes and then she blew up at me again all i can remember that she yelled at me was "you have friends amazing lets call fox 9 news, breaking news chelsea has friends" she had to leave before she hurt me she was moved to a different seat.
all the bad things i remember i cant remember anything good :[




i have been writing in this so much lately but none of it has helped, no weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

Here i am once again. its almost 10 at night during the summer when most people are out chilling with friends or coming home from chilling with friends. i have once again stayed at home all night, by myself talking to no one. i don't think people really get how alone i feel and i also don't think people get how much i try and want friends and want people to like me. i know i know i try to hard, but i guess you can say its me and its what i do. but then again i dont know who "me" is yet. i have tried to make everyone happy but myself and in the ended it didn't work and it just broke me.
i dont think people really get how much things affect me and how much stuff i hold back. i try to pretend nothing is wrong and that i can handle it, i think i have finally reached apart of the drama and shit talking that i cant take it anymore. i fell like crap and that i do everything wrong and i only bring problems for those around me. i need a shirt that says i only bring heartaches. thats what i feel like im put on this world for, to hurt people. i dont want to be that way, i want people to want to be around me. i want a second chance a start over, but like always its not like that and it wont happen. i need to someone to be there for me always and forever. someone to be right next to and will help me through everything, but i dont have that and i need that.
i dont even know who my friends are anymore people tell me they are there for me but then i read the shit talking and people are pretending to be my friends and pretend to like me. so who is telling the truth. i just dont know anymore, i just really want to dalgakfg i dont even know i just want a friend that i know will never back out on me and that i will never be able to annoy but i dont think i have that, i bug everyone and as much as i try i cant seem to stop that.
i just give up, im not good for anything im just a waste of space, an ugly waste of space that looks like they have down syndrome. please please gahldfa;fad i hurts me more then anyone could never realize. pretending to be someones friend that really needs a friend thats harsh. asdfjadfadl;f;da im falling apart i just cant take it anymore.
I CRACKED ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?
im done with it right now
im done with the boards for awhile
im done with stickam for awhile
im just done with it all
i need help but i have no one to turn to. no one to talk to, i hate putting my problems on someone else shoulders cause i feel like im adding pressure to there lives and i dont want to do that so i keep it to myself. but now i think i have to much shit inside me that i have burst. i cant handle anymore, so stop bashing and pulling me down before i drown in it.

" Be real, because a mask only fools people on the outside. Pretending to be someone you're not takes a toll on the real you, and the real you is more important than anyone else." - Alexander William Gaskarth

i love that quote.
i have put a mask on i have covered up who i am cause i have always thought it wasn't good enough and now i dont know who i am any more. i always change i type one thing and then change it cause i dont know if i would say that or if im just typing it. i dont know if that makes sense. same with clothes, i dont know what my taste in clothes is anymore
IM SO CONFUSED
I DONT KNOW WHO I AM


help meeeeeeeeeeee

yesterday while i was lying in bed i was thinking. i am only happy when i am at shows or talking to bands. and with me being me with the parents i have i dont get to go to shows much or can i afford them when i can go. these are my shows for this fall:
Sept. 20 - take cover CD release
sept. 23 - Sing it loud CD release
Oct. 16 - sassy back tour
nov. 13 - All time low fall tour
am i allowed to go to all four of them i have tickets for the all time low show and i still cant believe i spent 49 dollars on the tickets and the sing it loud CD release is free cause its at a mall but if i can get the money and a ride for the take cover CD release and the sassy back tour i will be shocked
 i need someone to go with for both also and i always feel guilty asking caitlin all the time she loves shows but she is like me she cant afford it. i seriously have a problem i would have this problem if i had a license and a job but then i would also have to pay for gas and always ask for show days off and then i would feel bad about that. i need to babysit more but no one around here needs babysitters anymore.

boooo
i need to think of something